4 steps to emotionally detach if you are stuck in an unhealthy marriage.

During our first week of shelter at home orders amid the COVID-19 crisis, I became slightly hopeful that individual relationships could mend. I thought that by social distancing, our emotional distance could be gapped. I could envision the light at the end of the tunnel. As a first-generation immigrant, I grew up in a household that advocated toughing things out and believed that through hardships families forge more robust bonds and grow closer. I don’t subscribe to this philosophy anymore and instead am an adamant believer that certain individual relationships will remain hopeless. Have all your hard efforts to help him improve his behavior failed? Does your spouse over and over disrespect your feelings? Or do they disregard your basic needs and desire and only want to satisfy their own needs?

 Here are five steps to take to emotionally detach and divorce your spouse if you are in a position that you must stay in an unhealthy marriage.

Here are several articles and websites that help us understand how to process our emotional Divorce and detachment if we must stay in an unhappy marriage.

What Is Emotional Divorce?

“Emotional Divorce is a psychological mechanism some spouses use when they feel the marriage has become a threat to their well-being. When divorced emotionally from a spouse, one has separated their emotions from the marriage.”

https://www.mydomaine.com/what-does-the-term-emotional-divorce-mean-1102714

Although the term “Emotional Divorce” is often used when a spouse is about to divorce or during the months just after; the process of “emotional divorce” remains very similar even when stuck in an unhealthy marriage. Granted that one is not “stuck” in a dangerous and physically abusive marriage, the spouse may choose to divorce their marriage emotionally and not actually.

Five years ago, I returned my wedding ring to my spouse.  I finally got the closure that I needed to mentally move out of my emotionally unhealthy relationship.

If you are stuck in a marriage where you are emotionally neglected, used, or simply it is onot a good mental match: these 4 steps to mental separation can become an essential healing tool.

https://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/g3273/am-i-emotionally-detached/

  1.  Accept that we can’t change or make someone else care for us enough to want to respect us or do something beautiful for us.  By returning my wedding ring to my spouse, I acknowledged that my expectation of him ever wanting to be my lifelong partner is unreasonable. I recognized that our wedding vows meant nothing to him, and pursuing this dream of happily ever after with this partner is futile.

2.  Accept that there comes the point that it does not matter to fight or argue anymore.  Your partner may have dodged his responsibilities and expects you to carry the burden. It is an excellent opportunity for the neglected partner to become more resourceful and independent. Once we acknowledge that we are in this alone ( as well as consciously selected that for whatever reason we are still staying in the marriage), then we will find a way to handle this burden.

3. He or She is no more your priority. There finally comes that moment when you are finally ready to self discover and grow. You stop waiting for him to show you affection. This period can become very lonely, but there are some steps to take to ensure that the emotional detachment does not become unhealthy and that you are growing and striving despite the unhealthy marriage. The Top 10 Quotes to Inspire You to Love Yourself First | Goalcast

4.Detaching emotionally does not mean that we are enabling our partners to continue their emotional abuse; instead, we are taking away his ability to hurt us. https://www.theneurotypical.com/emotional-detachment.htmlWe are not trying to change his cycle of emotional abuse. Instead, We do not let it bother us anymore. We finally realize that they are the sick ones. We learn to accept that our emotional response to their abuse is not the problem. Their mental damage to us is the source.

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