For the most part, having your In-laws involved in your life could be very beneficial, especially if you do have children. It does take a village to raise kids. But it is as essential to look at those vital signs and recognize when they are overstepping their boundaries and downright intruding in your private life.
Here is an example: Amid the COVID-19 social distancing and gathering protocols set by our city governor, I decided to do some small family gatherings outdoors to celebrate my Childs 2020 HS graduation.
Being a health care professional myself, I had it laid out to do a few separate parties to be able to handle the social distancing protocols.
But after the invite was sent out, I was immediately criticized for not inviting other family members on the same day.
This is a very familiar process that interfering in In-Laws, often use to manipulate you or try to overstep their boundaries. It is outrageous and can create unnecessary conflict between you and your spouse.
- They always try to make you feel guilty for not including them in a private decision you have made.
- They find a way to insert their own choices and feelings into your individual decisions.
- They completely ignore you when they talk, and they only want to talk with their family members. They are downright rude to your feelings and what your side of the family may want to do.
- They join forces with your spouse and even try to make them feel obligated to take their side.
Through this process they often end up getting what they wish. If you disagree, then they make you appear to be the villain.
How to deal with this situation:
- Pick your battles and figure out if it is even worth arguing with them.
- If it is a private decision, do not discuss it with them.
- Detach yourself from the situation and ignore their rude interference.
- If you do not agree with what they are asking you to do, politely say, ” Let me get back with you on that.”
- Remember, you do not have to agree with the in-law’s manipulative interference in your own decisions. You can do this by diffusing the situation and not being too aggressive.